There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
