I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
