oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
