So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
