Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I color on your dick again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
