there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
