The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
