Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
