peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
