You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I looked at my own cervix.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
