it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
