Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
