Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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