How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
