I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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