so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
