Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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