Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
