my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
