you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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