he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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