Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
