Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
