Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
