Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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