Swine flu. Run for my life!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
