I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
