I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
