Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
