Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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