where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
