why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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