when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
