I think my vagina is haunted
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
