why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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