I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
His nipple licking is glorious
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
