Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
