I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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