Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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