It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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