i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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