i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
