I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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