everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
