so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
