Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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