she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Randomize
