Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
