Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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