you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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