Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
