Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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