Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this beer tastes like vomit already
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Randomize
