Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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