I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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