you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
