Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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