So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
