I think im going to throw up on grandma
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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