A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
