At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
