Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
