the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
