I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
