i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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