I just threw up on my dentist
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
