just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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