just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
