# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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