I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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