erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
