wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You ever have a fart follow you around?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
