watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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