2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize