i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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