smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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