dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
