what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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