so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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