Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
